Stressted?

A few years back, I was working on a a very demanding client trying to deliver something which was new and challenging for my team. One day I surprising felt something amiss at the back of my neck - had never seen or felt it before. Ignored it - as most of us would because we obviously have more important things than our health. I dreaded getting up in the morning and looking at my Blackberry. I survived on 4 hours sleep and no exercise. I ignored my then 5 year old daughter.

Those few months were by far the worst in my professional career. I was stressed - something that I normally am not and it nearly broke me.

I'm sure, all of you have a version of this story that you can recall from your professional or personal lives.

Most of us think of it as something to avoid, fix or recover from. And for good reason - chronic stress has been linked to illness, burnout, and emotional exhaustion. However, now that I look back, there have been other instances in my life, when intense moments actually fuelled performance, helped me focus, and forced me to prioritise.

So, the question is - is there ever such a thing as good stress? And if so, how do we know when stress is helping us versus harming us?

Psychologists distinguish between eustress (positive, performance-enhancing stress) and distress (the kind that drains and debilitates). The Yerkes-Dodson law, a well-known psychological model, suggests that a moderate level of stress can enhance performance. But the tipping point comes when the stress outweighs our sense of control, support or preparation.

From what I’ve seen in my own life and career, how we perceive and respond to stress depends a lot on two things: our preparation and our circumstances.

If we’re equipped to deal with a challenge, either through skills or support systems, we’re more likely to feel stretched, not strained. But without clarity, boundaries, or recovery time, that same challenge can feel like quicksand.

And the modern work culture definitely feels more like quicksand. The constant change, competing priorities, unrealistic timelines and “all-time-zone” demands are sold to us as ambition, innovation or hustle. But what they often create is chronic anxiety, fatigue and a gnawing sense of being lost.

So what can we do? Here are a few practices that help me:

• Prioritise consciously: Know what truly matters to you. You can’t do everything, and not everything is worth doing. Prioritisation is one of the most under-rated and under developed skill.

• Ask for help: It's not weakness. It’s wisdom. Most people can’t help if they don’t know you’re struggling. The biggest thing that comes in the way of you asking for help is - YOU and the stories that have shaped your life.

• Control the controllables: Accept what’s outside your influence. Focus on what you can shift. This needs systems thinking and seeing where you are within your overall organisational and team ecosystem

• Redefine success: Sometimes the best win is showing up with your whole self, not a perfect output. This is the really difficult question - what does success look like for you?

• Rest like it matters: Because it does. Recovery isn't a reward; it's a requirement. What I have seen is people don't know how to rest, it feels like a guilty pleasure.

As I continue to explore my own relationship with stress, I’m learning to notice when it’s fuelling me and when it’s frying me. It’s not always easy to catch that shift—but it’s worth noticing.

If you’re at a stage where stress feels like your default setting, let’s talk. Coaching can help you find perspective, build resilience, and create a life where pressure pushes you forward—not down.

Curious? Reach out. I’d love to explore what’s possible for you.