Reclaiming Agency in a Goal-Driven World

Most of us don’t wake up each day wondering if we have goals. We wake up already entangled in them. Hit the quarterly or weekly target. Write that LinkedIn post. Take that certification. Be a good parent. Exercise more. We live inside a constant swirl of goals - personal, professional, social, sometimes even spiritual.

They reassure us that we are moving in a world that demands progress.

But here’s what I’ve learned, both as a coach and as a human muddling through life: it’s not enough to just have goals.

The real question is: Whose goals are you chasing?

Do they truly matter to you? Or are they hand-me-down ambitions, corporate to-do lists or distractions in disguise?

Goals are useful...until they aren’t

Goals give us direction and focus.

In personal life goals are a measure of success - the job, the house, the car, the family, the holidays.

In organisations, goals coordinate people. They define success, clarify roles and help teams pull in the same direction. Without them, chaos and confusion thrive.

But goals can outlive their usefulness.

They stick around long after they’ve lost relevance.

We cling to them because we fear what happens if we admit we’ve changed.

"At a certain point in life generally having peace of mind became more important than chasing the next promotion. But I was scared it meant I may been perceived as having lost my edge or as having no ambition. So I chased after the next step in the ladder on the way to a destination that leads not where I wanted to go."

Other times, we adopt goals that never belonged to us in the first place. Many early stage personal goals are a good example of this. Sometimes we get take on goals because we don't know what should be our goals - we don't know what we want. So we do what others do or tell us to.

I became a chartered accountant because my mom wanted me to. I got married because it was a socially expected thing to do. I did a job in an area that I was ambivalent about for 15 years and aimed to climb the ladder because - well because I didn't have any other goals.

The challenge is that we don't reassess our goals when we actually know what we want or worse still don't spent time and effort on figuring out what we want - we would rather chase those handed down goals because that stops us from the discomfort of making up our mind about what we actually want to do.

Most people pause mid-life to ask these questions - they have a midlife crisis. Both people who have not achieved goals they set for themselves and people who have achieved them generally are in the same boat. The ones who have not achieved think they are failures because they don't have that big car, that big flat and those fancy holidays. The ones who have achieved their goals look back at the big car, the big flat and the fancy holidays and think why they feel empty.

So, if both achieving and not achieving your goals make you miserable, then what do you do?

Follow the GRITS Process: A No-Nonsense Way to Get Real About Your Goals(Because it takes GRIT to choose the right goals and STICK with them.)

G – Goals Inventory: What’s on your list? Start with a brain dump. What are your current goals—across all domains of life? Personal, health, spiritual, intellectual, financial, social, career—it doesn’t matter what area they belong to or how bold or banal they seem. Write them down without judgement: Retire by 50. Buy a Lexus. Move to Portugal. Get back into shape. Start a side hustle. Find love. Land a job.

Now take a moment and divide them: How many of these are work goals versus life goals?Does your list reflect what you care about—or just what you’re told to care about?

R – Reality Check: Are you acting or just wishing? Go through each goal and label it clearly: Is this an active goal (you’re actually doing something about it) or a passive one (you like the idea but haven’t lifted a finger)?

For example: “I want to write a book” – sounds noble. But if it’s been your ‘goal’ for 15 years and you haven’t written a paragraph, that’s passive.

“I wanted to live in London”—and then you did? That was active. You pursued it. You made it happen.

This step is brutal—but necessary. It surfaces the difference between intention and action.

I – Intention: What do your goals actually mean? Define the what behind the goal. Not just the words—but what they mean to you. This is the WHAT step.

You want to retire by 50? What do you mean by “retire”? No job? Passive income? Spiritual retreat? Total freedom?

What does “freedom” mean? Freedom from what? From routine? From corporate structure? From a life you never chose?

Each answer reveals a layer of intention—and brings you closer to clarity. Keep asking What does this goal mean to me? until you hit something that feels real.

T – Truth: Why does this matter to you? This is where alignment kicks in. This is the WHY step. Ask yourself:

• Why is this goal important?

• What value is it tied to—freedom, impact, safety, love, autonomy, recognition?

• Is this goal still mine—or did I inherit it from someone else?

• Am I hiding behind self-limiting beliefs?

• Is this goal true to who I am—or just familiar and comfortable?

This step often changes the list. Some goals lose their grip. Others come into sharper focus. New ones might emerge.

S – Strategy: Are you aligned in what you do next? Return to your reality check (Step 2). Now that you know what your goals mean and why they matter—are you actively doing the right things to pursue them? This is the HOW step.

Or are you spending time chasing safe, familiar goals that no longer serve you?

Ask:

• What trade-offs am I willing to make?

• Who else is impacted by my choices?

• Is the way I’m pursuing this goal consistent with what it truly means to me?

Then make a pact with yourself: Review this process regularly. Every birthday. Every Christmas. Every spring. Whatever works. Just don’t wait five years and wonder how you got here.

We often rush from idea to action without doing the work in between. The GRITS process slows you down just enough to make better choices.

In my coaching work, I often ask clients to pause and reflect:

• Where did this goal come from?

• What does success here give you?

• What values does it honour—or conflict with?

• What would happen if you dropped it or redefined it?

Goals can be engines of progress—or cages we build for ourselves. The difference lies in whether we choose them with intention and courage.